Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Schwartz's vs A Fly on the Schwartz Walls

Oh to be a fly on the Schwartz walls.  If they had any sense of humor they'd all die from laughing at the crazy things they hear around this place.  I've been meaning to do an update of funny things that have been said or heard but I don't write them down and then I forget.  So here's a random jumble of things that will hopefully make you laugh.  They most certainly make me laugh.

First up.  Sarah.

Before I go say anything about Sarah let me first share with you what makes me laugh the most about her.  I got to dress and control what she wore for 3 years.  Every day she was well coordinated and looked cute, with hair fixed and a bow.  Then one day she had an opinion about what she wore.  By then I had Cody to deal with and so in a desperate move to get to the gym on time I told her to go get dressed.  She came out looking CRAZY but she had a shirt, pants, underwear, shoes and socks so I let it go.  Now, I let her wear whatever she wants Monday thru Saturday and I decide what she wears for church on Sunday.  (And I'll step in during the week if we are going to see people I don't want to be embarrassed in front of, like Chris's coworkers.)  She has her own hashtag on instagram (#mydaughterdressesherself) for days that are really off the wall.  You can follow me here.

So here's a quick peak at a few of the more classic outfits.
Flower print shirt and plaid capri pants.  Yes please.

Bold choice to go mixing prints.  Here we have a heart dress and butterfly leggins.  Later this outfit was completed with inside out purple socks and her knock off Keens.

This one has me screaming LEGGINGS AREN'T PANTS.  But I guess it works on a 3 year old.  Stripped leggings and a flower embroidered tank top that wasn't long enough to cover her butt.

But I bring this up to share this story with you:
First off after I finished dressing Cody I came out and saw Sarah laying on the couch like this.  I asked, "what are you doing Sarah."  Her response, "I'm just hanging out."  Bahahahahaha!  What!  When have you ever seen me "just hanging out" looking like that.  Nope.  It's a bit too sultry for my taste for a 3 year old.  

Also this is another fine example of #mydaughterdressesherself.  On the surface it really doesn't look too bad.  It's a sparkly pink skirt that has shorts underneath and a tanktop with a geometric pink and orange smocked design around the top.  The main problem is she insisted on wearing this when it was only 60 degrees outside and refused to put on a jacket because it would cover up her "cute outfit".  


Sour Notes

I'm the primary chorister for my ward.  I added "I Love to See the Temple" to the program and asked some girls to volunteer to sing it.  Of course Sarah volunteered so I added her to the group and have been working on teaching her the song.

The last line is "I'll prepare myself while I am young, this is my sacred duty."

Sarah is singing it around the house.
Sarah: I'll prepare myself while I am youuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggg.  This is my favorite doody.  HAHAHAHAH.  Doody.  

I've tried to explain it's duty not doody but she's not getting it.  She may be pulled from the group lest we have a tragic moment in the program.

Lunch Time Funnies

Tuesday the kids were eating lunch and I was finishing putting the toys all away in the toy closet.  (They put them back in bins but can't always get the bins back on the shelves.)  Here's what I heard coming from the table.

Cody:  Hey!!!
Sarah:  Sarah tax!

At this point I figured she stole some food off his plate.  These suspicions were confirmed when she followed up with,

Sarah: Well, you weren't eating it so I had to tax you.

bahahahaha!  That's how it goes around here.  What you don't mommy-tax your kids and steal things from their plates?

Bath Time Blunders

Kids: laughing and giggling saying something I can't quite understand from the kitchen while I'm doing dishes.
Chris: (with a loud and stern voice responds) No! There are no naked parties in this house!"


Chris gets Cody out of the bathtub.
Cody: I want to talk to mommy!
Chris wraps him up in a towel so he can come talk to me.
Cody: Mommy!  Mommy!  *throws towel open* I nakies!

This happens almost nightly now.  Cody still thinks its funny every time.


Chris gets Cody out of the bathtub.
Cody: I want to talk to Mommy!
Chris wraps him up in a towel.  He throws it off and comes running to find me.
Cody gets distracted by his favorite toy right now and picks it up.
Imagine this but with no clothes on and a sumo squat stance.
Cody: Mommy, I nakies and I got a sword!
Chris: What are we Spartans now?!?


Cody's Favorite Shirt

Let it be said first that I barely have a say in what Cody wears anymore.  If I just try to pull something out for him he protests.  He likes to be given choices.  And sometimes will tell you what he wants to wear.  "flag shirt" or "choo choo shirt".  But his favorite is this one:
Hunk Shirt!

He calls this one his "hunk shirt" for obvious reasons.  But it's hilarious how he says it.  I need to record it.  I love asking him what shirt he's wearing when he has it on because he points and proudly says, "hunk" or "hunk shirt".  This morning I put it on him and went through the routine.

Mom: Cody what shirt are you wearing?
Cody: Hunk shirt!
Cody: Sarah!  Sar-rah!  I hunky!

Last night we were having dinner and I wanted him to tell Chris (cause it's cute)
Mom: Cody, tell Daddy what shirt you're wearing.
Cody: (lifts up bib and points) Hunk shirt!
Everyone laughs, Sarah feels the need to add to the conversation.
Sarah: I'm going to call you honkey Cody.
Cody's Homeschooling 

Our dear sweet 2 year old son only knows about 4 of his colors.  However, he can accurately name and identify all of the Disney Princesses.  I guess that's what happens when you have an older sister.


Wake up Call

This last one probably won't be as funny without having heard it but it made us laugh when my mom told us so I want to remember it.

My parents were in town for Cody's birthday party.  Dad slept on the couch and my mom slept on the day bed in Cody's room.  In the morning, Cody saw someone on the bed and started calling out to it.  Only he thought it was Sarah.  My mom then listened for about 5 minutes of Cody saying over and over again in different inflections, "Sarah.  Saaaaarrrrrraaaahhhh.  Sar!  Rah!"

She said he tried standing up and calling over the crib.  When that didn't work he ploped down and in a more defeated and grumpy tone said, "sarah."

After she was entertained enough she rolled over so he could see her face.

With much shock he said, "Grandma?!?"


  1. Sarah could wear a potato sack and still be a cutie pie! Cody is more advanced than Brice. Everything is green to Brice! Your kids crack me up!!

  2. I love this post! I love that Jack isn't the only horrible dresser, I still laugh every time I think about Honkey Cody, and the sword picture is my favorite Cody picture. Ever. He is a serious pirate.